cake

Well, it's nearly my birthday. Twenty minutes from when I started typing this. Maybe well into it, by the time I finish. I suppose at 48, I'm not as excited or expectant about birthdays as I used to be. I think that part of that could correlate with the notion that, as we get older, we tend to enjoy the giving more than the receiving. At least it really seems that way at Christmas time.

Many adults do not embrace birthdays, because it is a mortal reminder of getting older.
I do not share this sentiment. Or lack of sentiment. I suppose the biggest factor is simply that,
birthdays are days for cake, ice cream, party hats, games, and colorful and fun presents.
These don't really seem like adult pleasures, but even the "adult pleasures" from young adult birthdays, like going out to the bars, begin to seem childish, or at least uninteresting, once you reach a certain age. And I have.

And presents.....How many people are really insightful enough to purchase a gift that the receiver
really wants, and will really enjoy? I'll speak for myself, and say that this is why I give away gift cards for most of my gifts these days. Then again, the right gift card can provide a quality experience for the receiver. Like a Target gift card for a child. The Mom creates a shopping experience, that includes the child getting to actually, with some filtration, pick out their gift.
Or a good restaurant gift card can provide the impetus for a date night of shared quality time.

But we do like people to remember our birthday. I don't care how old you get, there is a feeling you get as you leave the house on your birthday, that everyone must know that this is your day,
and as you pass friends and co-workers in the hall, you sub-consciously brace yourself, and nearly expect people to wish you a Happy Birthday. There is an involuntary expectation, but sadly, it never lives up to the hype in your psyche. Ok, I'll admit that maybe it's just me.

I remember one year managing a Starbucks in Grosse Pointe, I had it in my head that it wasn't for me to tell anyone that it was my birthday, because telling would be self-serving. And I somehow believed that someone must know, so word would get out, and then, of course there would eventually be cake. So I didn't tell anyone all day. And there was no cake.
I seem to remember putting my coat on to leave, and on the way out telling a co-working that I couldn't believe nobody remembered my birthday. (I'm so weak...).

I think there was make-up cake the next day.

In the morning, as my birthday begins, my dad is taking me out for breakfast at The Toast.
I'm sure it will hit me that this will be my first birthday since my Mom died. So I'm glad I'll be with Dad. I told Debbie that we'll save a birthday outing at a favorite restaurant for the weekend, when we can relax and enjoy it. Last year, we went to the Outback.
Then again, I did get a gift card to Red Lobster from my sister. And Debbie really likes that.
I'll have to tell Kim that she did very good in the gifting department.

So now it's 22 minutes into my birthday. I have myself convinced that I'll have no expectations about it, and treat it like any other day.

Aw, who am I kidding. I may as well write "Birthday!!" on my forehead, and get it over with.

Happy Birthday to me. And I miss you, Mom....